MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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