she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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