I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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