Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
