I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
