6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize