Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
