I wish I could punch you in the face.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize