using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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