a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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