Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i think i just lost a toe
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
