so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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