Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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