i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize