so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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