remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
