let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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