We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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