I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
