I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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