apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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