Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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