What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
