My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize