I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
