Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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