i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
