u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
