She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
