Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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