i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
