Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Randomize