Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
