I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Bring me that man meat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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