we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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