i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
