I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
