My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
