xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
