im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
