Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize