we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
