you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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