we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
wow bdsm is so cute
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
