your parents love me but you hate me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's shark week go big or go home
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize