she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
