I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize