The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
