I puked a lego.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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