I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
