Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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