he thought i was a dude.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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