Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
