I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
