Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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