i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
