it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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