Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
