YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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