This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize