i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize