K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize