I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
