i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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