Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
