i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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