And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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