I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
