my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize