Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
