took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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