I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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