Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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