Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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