We won't sleep together?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're a waste of cheezeits
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
