these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
