I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
