i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
