Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
