i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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