he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
