hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
