Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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