Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize