it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
