That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
