he puts the penis in happiness.
please come you make the beer taste better
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
