Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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