She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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