It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
