I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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