judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
50% drunk capacity currently
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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