His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
