i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
